Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize