awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
