That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
