Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
high people should be assigned attendants
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize