he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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