last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
