I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
