adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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