So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
