it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
