Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I want to have your abortion
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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