Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize