your room smells of hookers.
And success
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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