All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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