Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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