Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
