I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
