I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
