Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize