Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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