He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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