I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
