I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
