just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
