this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
