we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
