Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
