I wish life had little blips of pornography
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
