I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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