I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
