I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
