Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
