This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
