my phone needs a breathalizer
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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