mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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