All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
