It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
