good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
