I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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