Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
