Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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