This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
