How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
