I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Terrible idea I love it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
