I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
