she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
