is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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