Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
