the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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