This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize