Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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