I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
