i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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