I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
