i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
