On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
