i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
