Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
