You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
