yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
