The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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