You smell like a Billy Joel song
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
