I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
