she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
