I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
