Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think your dad took our porno
Dicks are not precious.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
