Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
