I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
