the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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