Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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