everyone is single if you try hard enough
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
