Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
