dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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