oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just tell him i said nine months
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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