so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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