That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
