so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
