If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize