i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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