The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
