Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
