If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
