just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
