I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
