Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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