I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
