roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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