I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
