You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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