He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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