I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Couch. On fire.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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