they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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