party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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