Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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